Extraordinary fertilized: a solo adventure into the world of fertility

The medical way of fertilization: full of research, medication and uncertainties. This medical way of fertilization is used by so many people to fulfill their wish of becoming parents and isn’t uncommon, but still there is so little known about these procedures. My goal is to inform others about the hassles involved in a fertility process, whether you are in the process for medical reasons or, like me, as a single prospective mother.

I’ve always had the wish for a baby

As a teenager I watched the show ‘Teen Mom’, a tv-show which follows teenage mothers, with desire. If I got pregnant at that time, as a teenager, I would definitely keep the baby. That is what I thought at that point. A few years later I was living together with my boyfriend and I thought it would not take long before I got pregnant. He also had a desire to have children, was a few years older than me and we’ve talked about having children a lot. We had even made preparations already.

I’ve been told a lot that I live too much in the future, think too far ahead. Maybe that’s true, but I just couldn’t help myself. This was my dream,  the thing I wanted the most, and it was this close to me. Was I crazy to go for it?

My desire for a baby was getting bigger and bigger

I can write full pages about this period, the break up that followed and all the failed relationships after. My desire for a baby was so big that it affected my choice of partners and how I acted in these relationships. A baby, that was my goal. Now I see how this ruined it all. When I found out I also liked women, I had to endure one more blow. The dream I had of a simple family was no longer there.

The most important choice of my life

In the meantime 10 years have passed and my desire for a baby is still as big. Maybe even bigger. I get very jealous when I see someone walking with a stroller or when I see the children in my street playing outside. Two years ago, I saw my relationship end and at that point I made my choice. Maybe even the biggest choice of my life! I’m not going to wait anymore. I will not wait until I find the perfect partner or the ideal situation. I am going to fulfill my wish!

My fertility process of having a baby

An enormous search full of highs and lows followed. Arranging my circumstances (living environment, job, finances), sharing my plan with family and friends, fertility tests, psychological tests, looking for a sperm donor, ‘dating’ this donor, finding out what I wanted and what I didn’t want. This was just the beginning. Sometimes I wonder what the hell am I doing. Maybe I just wasn’t supposed to be a mother, if it takes this effort to become pregnant. Yet I still feel the desire to become a mother. And this motivates me to persevere, even when setbacks follow one another. 

I am not the only one with a unfulfilled desire of having a baby

One thing I’ve learned in my process is that I am not the only one that has an unfulfilled desire of having a baby. Not the only one that is looking for a donor, a surrogate or a co-parent. Not the only one that has been emotionally tested time after time. There are many men and women who are stepping in the process of infertility which costs an immense amount of emotions, time, energy and a lot of money. By sharing my story and taking other people in my journey step by step, I would like to break the taboo surrounding non-conventional ways of having children.

A positive pregnancy test

My journey of becoming a mother has ended. After a year and a half of going in and out of the fertility clinic for ultrasounds, injecting myself with medication (and semen of course), I found out, five months ago, that I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it and even now with my big belly and feeling my baby kick, it’s still kind of surreal to me.

My journey hasn’t finished, the challenges I come across seem to get bigger. Despite the countless times I have doubted my choices, I have never doubted my ability to carry, birth and raise a child. I am thankful for the opportunity to become a mother and for all the help I received to fulfill my wish!